A friend’s daughter was recently scheduled for surgery. Two years ago, this surgery would have unnerved me with fear. Fear, mostly, that it could be my child on the table. That sounds so selfish, but it’s the truth. This morning I wasn’t afraid for her. There is something about holding your dying child in your arms then slowly watching God work a miracle that increases you faith in a way that no Bible study or other life experience can do. I hate that it took that for me to “really” trust Him, but I would not take anything for what He has taught me and how He has changed me.

I know these parents well. They have exhausted every means of prayer as well as medical intervention. They have taken every step within their power to have a positive outcome for their child. Now they have to do the hard thing of trusting the creation to the Creator. I say it is hard because it is. It may not sound real spiritual to say that trusting God is hard, but folks, it has been one of the hardest lessons in my Christian walk. The more I practice, the easier it gets.

I think every mom has the instinct to “fix” what is broken. It is the way God hard-wired us. The kids are hungry, mom fixes dinner. The toddler falls and skins a knee, mom fixes the hurt with a kiss. A best friend betrays your child’s trust, mom fixes the hurt by finding the positive. The list is ENDLESS of ways mom “fixes” her baby’s hurt.

Sometimes God will not allow us to fix it. He wants us to practice letting Him fix it. It is one of the way He allows us to experience that He is trustworthy.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” I Peter 5:7

My first experience with REALLY trusting God was when my mom became septic after a surgerical procedure in 2004. Daddy called me very early on that Saturday morning after her procedure to tell me that they were taking her to the ICU because she was unresponsive.

I always think back to the scene from Steel Magnolias where Sally Fields walks down the hall of the hospital to check on the fate of her daughter. That scene is such a dramatic scene, and it always makes me cry. Those walks are always the longest.

When I got to mom’s room it was full of nurses. We followed her to ICU and were told to wait. When her doctor came out to give us an update, he told us that he didn’t expect her to make it thru the day. But God… We called our Church Army in and within a few hours the room was full of prayer warriors. The doctor came out around noon and said to keep doing what we were doing. He believed in prayer and there was nothing to explain what was happening to the monitors apart from the Hand of God. She made a full recovery.

In 2008 my faith was really tested when the outcome was not what I had prayed for. We had enlisted our Praying Army, but God had different plans. Reed’s mother had a stroke after breakfast on a Saturday morning. She was so much more than a mother-in-law. She was my mentor, and I loved her so VERY much. I am trying to condense her influence in my life in my mind, but am having a hard time. I don’t want to downplay my own mother’s influence but any areas that were lacking there, Janis more than filled the gaps.

Her death made me question so many things about God and His provisions. Anslie was 3; Ethan was 18 months old. She kept them during the day while I taught school just like she had kept John and Zack before they started school. She was everything a grandmother should be. I grieved not only for myself and Reed but mostly for my kids.

I remember the day after the funeral. Everyone was getting ready to start life without her. That morning Anslie, 3, was not taking it well. She refused to get dressed. She screamed, “These are the clothes I wear to Grandmother’s!” She was hurt that Grandmother was gone and so was I. How could God do this to her!

After about 6 months I had finally had had it with Reed. He was taking the death of his mother way better than I was… He was getting dressed to go to a church function…a service function. I was NOT going! God took my “babysitter” and I was staying home with the kids.

I asked him as he was getting dressed. “Reed, how are you just ‘ok’ that God took her from us!”

He was honestly perplexed and said, “Who?”

“YOUR MOTHER!!” I exclaimed.

He calmly said, “Julie, if there had been any other way for His plan to be fulfilled He would have done it, and she would be alive. This was the only way.”

Now, I feel like I, like most women, am the spiritual one in the family. Most men don’t discuss the spiritual and Reed is no different. These words slapped me straight upside my head!

I have clung to that truth he spoke almost daily. I hope that truth comforts you. Jesus prayed in the garden for God to allow another way besides the Cross. But he surrendered to God’s Will regardless. I think Jesus knew He was the ONLY way when He prayed that. He was FULLY human AND FULLY God. I think the human side was revealed for us. He wanted us to see the struggle of fully trusting and submitting to the Father. He was teaching us.

Matthew 26:36-45
36 Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.37 And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch[a]with me.” 39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” 40 And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? 41 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 42 Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” 43 And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. 44 So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again.45 Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”