I walked to the baseball field after school today. I was filled, once again, with dread and grief, middle school baseball tryouts. Here we go again, let me put on my fake smile and pretend that everything is ok. I sat down to watch.

Memories flooded as I remembered the first time I pushed Ethan in a stroller to John’s games. I thought about those times that I MADE him wear a batting helmet as he played behind the netting at home plate afraid of a foul ball hitting him in the head and the times he waited on his brothers after a game to talk to them about how they played. He was so proud they belonged to him.

He has grown up on this field with dreams about the day it would be his turn. Yeah, I know, it’s just high school baseball. But there is something special about growing up and traveling around during a time when our high school team has made so many historical advances.
There is so much more to life than what happens on a ball field during jr high and high school, I know that.
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Shortly after I sat down, I watched him catch a fly ball out to right field. Thank you God for that moment. This mama needed that! The smile on my face after that was genuine! No faking!